Thursday, April 7, 2011

The Sermon

You got used to the shouts and hollers and keening. You got used to the pleading and imploring and begging. Eventually you got used to the watching, and there was but one more step to the doing. So said our Guide. This much I have to confess - Hear me now!

When the Miracle happened I was a nobody. Even then, It was beautiful. I saw...

I grip my rifle. Not a proper grip, but an embrace. Oh how cold steel reminds me and cautions me on those times of blasphemy. Yes! Even I was once obsessed with precision. And the arbitrary order of things! How many times I have recanted I cannot recall - but now the time for undoing has come. I feel it now.

Hear! I saw men and women and children awash with fear. I saw the futile trappings and semblances give way to greater things. Harken Its tidings! I heard and I answered. I knelt and It told me to stand - I prayed and It told me to do. And I did. And all the Chosen did, and It neared. I was once a worker of cold steel but I heard and stood and did. We knew the bindings were futile and they knew, but they chose to resist. Resist It! They were the heralds, like I, but only fear filled their heads as they viewed their success.

Now I raise this neccessary evil. It clicks and clacks and already it sags. Repent sinners! Repent and rejoice! Our brothers are many and verily the sinners will know the true meaning of salvation.
 
Hear! I saw the Guides, the first prophets. They were unnamed, but they didn't need names - our Guides. Heads upon heads upon heads of equines and bovines and canines piled on amalgamated forms of innumerable maws and limbs and eyes, vestigial skins of their lesser existence clinging still upon rotting legs and repurposed hands of burden adorned in entrails, blind sentience betrayed while our enemies wait with bated breath. Evangelists of futility serving...

They spoke to me. Through no mortal means, surely - I was filled with mortal fear. Fear not! We are angels and prophets. Our mission is true and we ask only for earthly brethren. The unenlightened screamed and blasphemed and they were the first for the feast. I saw the Guides deliver and lo! They grew and salvation was at hand. We are your true saviors, oh mankind.

Oh order! Far too long has this devil oppressed and crushed!

Now I squeeze and feel deteriorating mechanisms punch and work. Work no more they will for either evil or good, as they too will be saved. As I see darkly our unsaved heathens I pray that their salvation be quick.

And now my turn has come! Lo and behold! My form crumbles! Soured and rotted is my visage as I approach It's grandeur! Molder and rot, putrify and decompose and degrade and spoil and pollute - my Guide! It devours!

IT cOmEs! it CoMEs! wE hAve truLy sErvd AnD BIrthEd ANd nOurIsHED oUr gOd. WHaT s a bTtTer ffAtte?? ITT coMeS!

H decy!

O cOrRrPtIn!

Or Gd o enTRpYy!

(This story is credited to a person called Slamet.)

19 comments:

  1. I...
    um...
    wth_am_i_reading.jpg

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  2. lol at anon. i agree. XD

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  3. "we have truly served and birthed and nourished our god" "oh decay, oh corruption, oh entropy"

    Antichrist summoning?? O_o;

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  4. I NO UNDERSTAND

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  5. Wth did I just read!?!

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  6. um...WHO WAS SERMON?

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  7. Could do without the creative typography.

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  8. Goes from mildly concerning to just unreadable nonsense. Agree with above Anon, trying to making the letters and words look like something from a crazy nightmare doesn't work with only one font.

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  9. i think its about zombies

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  10. Erm....

    Oh! I know! It's Jesus's meth-head brother, Jeebus! PRAISE JEEBUS! PRAISE HIM AS HE SHOWERS CRYSTALIZED ENLIGHTENMENT ON US ALL!

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  11. oh hey, a worshipper of nurgle, quaint

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  12. I worship only tzeentch.

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  13. Must be the nargles.

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  14. Slaanesh is where it's at.

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  15. NEIN!!!.....
    ...
    ..
    .
    the right way to go is the church of the flying spaghetti monster

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  16. this is why i dont let people sit in at our satanic rituals >:I

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  17. Um well I'm a christian and even THIS doesn't make sense to me. WTH is all I can say really. It's not even creepy. One of the tags said Zalgo chants. That must have something to do with the messed up text.

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  18. A few different patch sizes,sandpapercarbon fiber rimsor a metal scraper, and a tube of glue), a set of tire levers, and an air pump.
    Inspect Tire
    With the wheel removed from your bike, inspect ICAbike01 the outer ICAbike01 surface of the tire to make sure there are no sharp objects like a thumb-tack or thorn stuck in the tread.
    Remove Tir
    Remove the valve cap and fully deflate the tube bycarbon bike rimsdepressing the valve stem with the hooked end of your tire lever. There are two main types of valve stems, a schrader valve and a presta valve. This tutorial is based on a schrader valve, but I will be covering the different valve types in another tutorial.
    Now it’s time to remove your tire, one side at a time. Choose a section of tire that is away from the valve and hook one of the tire levers under the bead, directly in line with one of your spokes. Pry one side of the tire bead over the edge of the rim, and then hook the end of the tire lever to the nearest spoke. Insert another tire lever two spokes away from the first, and a third another two spokes away. Now the middle lever should fall out, and you can continue the process. When the tire is loose enough you can just run a tire lever around the rest of the rim to pull the whole side over.
    After you have removed one side of the tire, the other side should come off very easily.
    Inspect Tube
    Now remove the tube from the tire, and try to keepcarbon bicycle rimstrack of where it was positioned in relation to the tire. Inflate the tube to approximately twice its original size. This will expand the hole making it easier to find.
    Listen carefully to the entire circumferenceof the tube; you should hear a hissing sound that will indicate where the leak is. As a last resort you can submerge the tube in water and watch for bubbles, but you’ll want to avoid doing this as you’ll need the tube to be completely dry in order for the patch glue to work.
    Once you’ve found the leak, take note of whether it is on the inner or outer side of the tube.
    If the hole was on the outer side of the tube, inspect the inner surface of the tire in that spot to make sure the object that caused the puncture is not still stuck in the tire. Double check the entire inner side of the tire by running your fingers along the entire surface, feeling for obstacles along the way.
    If the hole was on the inner side of the tube,inspect yourzipp 404entire rim to make sure there are no sharp burrs in the metal, and that the rim tape is properly protecting the tube from your spoke ends.
    Now that the rim and tire are clear, it’s time to patch the tube. Select an appropriate sized patch for the hole. Use the sandpaper or scraper provided in your kit to buff the surface of the tube for an area a bit larger than the patch. You need to buff the tube so that it is no longer shiny. If the molding line is running along the area where the patch is to be applied, you must sand it down completely, or it will provide an air channel. Once buffed, avoid touching that area with your fingers.
    Apply a dab of rubber cement, and then spread it into a thin coat, using your cleanest finger. Work quickly. You want a thin, smooth coat of cement; if you keep fiddling with it as it begins to dry, you’ll risk making it lumpy. The thinner the cement, the faster it will dry. It is very important to allow the cement to dry completely.
    Peel the foil from the patch and press the patch onto the tube firmly, squeezing the patch tightly onto the tube.

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