Monday, October 31, 2011

The Raven

Apparently, you assholes on the internet don't take me seriously.
I'd like to live normally, to not have these 'wings.'

I'll retell this a little more clearly.

Day 1
My eyes are darker. It's the whole eye. They're a type of silver. They glow and reflect like a cat's eyes.

Day 4
It's getting harder to breathe. My eyes are completely black, not silver anymore.

Day 5
There are cuts on my back - huge, deep cuts. They reak like blood and decaying flesh.

Day 6
I passed out in a large pool of blood.

Day 9
I awoke. I have wings. They're black and look like a bird's.

Day 10
I can no longer speak, just...noises. Crowing. It's nothing a human could make.

Day 12
It's cold.

Day 16
I have nothing left to write. I can't talk and my vision is fading. I fear I will soon lose all my senses. I can barely hear or taste. Don't bother sending help, if you could. It's a lost cause.

-The Raven

(This story is credited to a person called Midnight Agony.)

29 comments:

  1. Awesome variant to the raven story posted earlier this month. Great stuff as usual buddy, keep up with the good Halloween pasta!

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  2. I liked the early one more descriptive, body horrors.

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  3. Way too short to be creepy. There's no suspense with this title and introduction. It could be way better if longer and more developped.

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  4. *Reek

    -- El Grammar Nazi

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. GRAMMAR NAZIS COME TOGETHER TO WORSHIP OUR LEADER!
      -grammar general

      Delete
  5. Somebody posted his story notes. Next time stop kidding around and post the real story.

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  6. ^^ Nope, this is the format (letter\journal) I wrote it in.

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  7. Well, I can be fairly detailed on why I didn't particularly like it, just in case I've been labelled under the 'troll' category.

    To clarify I have nothing against the author or anything like that.

    - Subject matter didn't come across as frightening to me. I know creepypasta often features body horror as a means of fear, but I don't really find wings to be much good for body horror. They're featured much too much in character design and are associated with angelic things rather than horrors. They're simply too romanticized. A beak would probably be more immediately disturbing.

    -Plot Holes.
    The fact it's written as a journal comes across as odd to me, especially by the end. The fact that someone can keep typing perfectly well when they're practically blind is a little hard to swallow. There's also the fact that it implies that he/she managed to write a journal on Day 6, but was apparently unconscious until Day 9, though that might just by implied.

    -It's kinda 'tell' rather than 'show'. Pace it out a bit more and make it more descriptive. The character seems to show little in the way of emotion about his/her situation, he/she sounds almost sulky about the whole thing to me. It doesn't really seem to have much of an effect on them.

    -The line at the beginning.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Midnight Agony, you failed. The comment is longer than the pasta itself.

      Delete
  8. Wouldnt you rather beseeking medical attention rather than writing in a journal if you were going blind and growing wings? Not very good story structure, the whole journal thing. Also, if you were going blond and turning into a crow, I suspect your online journal would look more like this "ou23ihf983329fhf f2923fhhfhuipfehu f3892fhfei f293hf efh pwe98f28y-3fhiuhvf eoiuhre."

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  9. Maybe it's just cos I recently finished watching Haibane Renmei, but this wasn't scary at all.

    Granted, I've never read the pasta this was apparently based on, but even sequel/expansion pastas are supposed to make some sense as a standalone (like that one about the guy who worked on Candle Cove).

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  10. Don't post on this like every time someone doesn't like your story you better make revise it. You post it once and if it's bad then make a new damn story.

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  11. Eh, I see the troll has won! (<--- Troll)

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  12. Hi, this is the anonymous from your last variation of this story, the one that gave a really long list of writing tips... Which you chose to ignore. It became shorter and you cut out details, which really didn't matter as it only shortened the time it took to get through this bland story. Don't repost thinking that you've done better and then say that you were only trolling. It's obvious that you reported hoping that this would get a better rreaction, but when this wasn't the case you tried to pass it off as a troll post. Either take the time to read other creepypasta so as to see what you're doing wrong, or don't repost this again, please.

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  13. Um, can I have a link to the original?

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  14. Thanks for the informative writing. Would mind updating some good tips about it. I still wait your next place.

    The Pear Shape is actually a very good body shape for a simple wedding dresses. Usually the pear shaped woman has a tiny waist and that is a beautiful feature for any mermaid wedding dresses. The hips are often covered with the fullness of the gown. If the bride wants a smaller dress she would look beautiful in a simple small a line cheap wedding dresses plus size.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Oi vey!

    This is terrible, it's just a bunch of vapid emo shit. I mean, your name is "MidnightAgony" for farks sake!

    First off, if someone doesn't like your story, don't be all "YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE". If people don't like it, stop forcing it on them.

    Second, just because someone does not like your work does not mean they are a troll. It's called Constructive Criticism.

    Third, The second version is shorted? The hell?

    Fourth, I noticed your name links to Fanfiction.net. Fun fact: Nobody there is a real writter. In fact, they cannot write for beans.

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  16. And then I just went to your page.

    Dear god, you're a 13-year-old? No wonder you're terrible at writing and dismiss all as trolls.

    And for the love of god, stop watch such violent anime, Elfen Lied is not for kids.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yo! Elfen Lied was beast. And thanks alot for the compliment. -_-
      -Midnight (forgot my blogspot stuff)

      Delete
  17. worst thing i've ever read

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  18. this is bad. I'd rather read the 'who was fone' story again than this shit.

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  19. This is Stupid.

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  20. Nobody ever said shit on here was good. This proves it.

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