Thursday, September 9, 2010

Barney

Hello there. I am a single father of two three-year old boys. Their favorite show is Barney and Friends.

...well, it used to be...until last night.

Yesterday, I was looking at my TV Guide when I saw something that caught my eye:

Tonight ONLY!
A LOST EPISODE OF BARNEY AND FRIENDS
FIRST AND ONLY CHANCE TO SEE IT!
AIRS AT 7:00!

Naturally, I asked my kids if they wanted to see it. Obviously, they said, "Yes." I got the popcorn ready. (They love to eat popcorn while watching Barney.)
When the time finally arrived, they rain into the living room, turned on the TV, and sat down on the couch with me. It started, and the familiar theme music began playing.

However, something wasn't right.

For starters, I could vaguely hear whispering during the music, and it sounded creepy. I shrugged it off, assuring myself that it was just my imagination. Anyway, the episode began like all of them do; the kids talked about something while holding a doll version of Barney.

Then, POOF! He comes to life, giggling like an idiot. He started speaking, and I turned it up slightly so we could hear it.

Barney sounded slightly weird, as if two people were talking at once - one with his normal voice, and another that sounded...demonic, to say the least. I tried to ignore it...but that's when I heard Barney (?) say, "Hi, kids. (childish giggling) Today, I'm going to teach you about...DEATH!"

I nearly fell out of my seat when I heard that. I wanted to turn it off, but for some reason, I...I couldn't. The show kept going.

Child 1: "What's death, Barney?"
Barney: "This is." His face suddenly turns angry and he grows teeth. He laughs evilly and bits the poor child's head off.

For some reason, my children kept watching, unaffected by the obviously disturbing stuff going on. Barney then proceeded to kill all of the children one by one, each time roaring. The children, at this point, started to run away from Barney, screaming and crying for their parents to save them.

Barney just chucked and said, in a demonic voice, "Mommy and Daddy can't help you!" He bit the helpless children in half, eating their brains and stomachs. Then Baby Bop and BJ came in, apparently not noticing the dead children.

"Well, Barney," Baby Bop said. "What did we learn today?" Barney grinned an evil grin and said directly to the camera....

"Remember kiddies, don't bother locking your doors and hiding under the bed because, sooner or later, I WILL FIND YOU AND KILL YOU ALL!" He then laughed demonically.

the rest of the damn episode showed a distorted picture of Barney, with a blood-curdling scream. That was the last straw. I reached for the remote and turned it off. I looked to my left and realized that my children were nowhere to be seen. Thinking that they already ran into their room, I went in there. However, I didn't find them. That's when I heard a voice behind me.

"It's too late, Steven. I've already killed them, and now I'm going to kill you."

I turned around to see a demonic, blood covered Barney slowly walking towards me. Even while he killed me, he still sang that FUCKING SONG....

"I love you...you love me...we're a happy family..."

41 comments:

  1. That was terrible.

    ReplyDelete
  2. OH MY GOD THIS MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD

    ReplyDelete
  3. Replies
    1. *-ed DisappointED

      Delete
    2. Alexander meerkat is that you lol :)

      Delete
  4. I saw that episode.

    ReplyDelete
  5. So if he killed the author, how did said author tell us that he was killed?

    Hacked IRL thats what he did

    ReplyDelete
  6. I ALWAYS KNEW HE WAS EVIL! AHAHAHA.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. yesss omg me tooooooo

      Delete
  7. This is so stupid.

    ReplyDelete
  8. THEN WHO WAS POSTER?!

    ReplyDelete
  9. "So if he killed the author, how did said author tell us that he was killed?"

    haven't you ever seen American Beauty? duh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Go 2015,fuvk all of yall

      Delete
  10. Cocaine is one hell of a drug.

    ReplyDelete
  11. my two year old sister would b laughing

    ReplyDelete
  12. What? You didn't even like the episode? I loved it.

    ReplyDelete
  13. STEVEN IS BLUES CLUES

    blues clues vs barney

    ReplyDelete
  14. this should be in childhood raping

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hi guys, I just wanted to tell you that I created this a long time ago, back when I was young and stupid. It was the first creepypasta I ever made.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Best pasta EVER!

    WHO WAS KIDZ!?

    ReplyDelete
  17. I just saw Barney, and he turned around and MELTED!

    seriously guys HE MELTED!

    ReplyDelete
  18. That was cool huhuhuhuhuh

    ReplyDelete
  19. That wasn't half bad.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I lieked it because it made me LAWL. We have to learn to appreciate the bad.

    ReplyDelete
  21. These guys are experts when it comes to agriculture in the WOW Goldto sell to other players of different amounts of money. Therefore, if you want some World Of Warcraft Gold, you know, who you turn to gold producersIt is well known that Tera Gold credits by obtaining the services of the team .

    ReplyDelete
  22. ewww this website is so wierd and creppy!!!

    ReplyDelete
  23. What scares me is this is in Nightmare Retardant.

    ReplyDelete
  24. We know what our swtor credits customers need, so we offer the best service and best cheap swtor credits to you. More and more players know zyy.com,more and more gamers buy swtor credits from us. We are happy to see this, and we will continue to do well. Enjoy your game!

    ReplyDelete
  25. BANNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAFebruary 15, 2012 at 8:22 PM

    BANANA BANANA BANANA BANANA BNANAANQ

    ReplyDelete
  26. Rainbow MannarinoMay 26, 2012 at 12:17 AM

    WHO WAS TV GUIDE?

    ReplyDelete
  27. Lols that was a weird creepy cool zany story. I was laughing because at one part you said 'The boys RAIN in' and i was singing "It's raining boys, Oh My Jeez It's raining boys, Oh God!" He He!!

    ReplyDelete
  28. When I was a kid, I used to love barney and one day in the newspaper, an evil demonic Barney was there. They said he only comes on in late nights. It was kinda creepy seeing that on a newspaper, so the demonic Barney is actually a show.

    ReplyDelete
  29. XXX vids porn brazzerspornx movie. Free porn movie sextubepornx videos. High porn videos xvideosmobilexxx porn.

    ReplyDelete
  30. I won't let my lil bro & sis watch Barney anymore.

    ReplyDelete