Friday, August 20, 2010

The Old Lady

One day at a shopping mall in the afternoon, a woman was coming out of the mall from a shopping spree. She was in a happy mood. She had gotten to her car and loaded her stuff that she had bought into her trunk. When she was done loading, she shut the door of her trunk and she saw an old lady standing by the passenger side of her car.

The old woman said "Would you be a darling and give me a lift home? I don't have a car and I was walking all day." The woman said "I'd be happy to." So she unlocked the door for the old woman.

As she started to make her way around the car to the driver's side, she started to feel uncomfortable. So when she got in the car, she looked in her purse and said "Darn, I can't find my credit card. I'm going inside to see if anybody found it." The old woman said "I'll wait for you here."

The woman left to go look for help. Then she found a security guard and told him the situation. They went back to the woman's car and the passenger door was wide open. On the seat of the car was a shopping bag that the old woman had been carrying. Inside of the bag was the old woman's dress and a gray haired wig, along with a huge butcher's knife, a video camera, and a roll of duct tape.

15 comments:

  1. How does a man properly disguise himself as a helpless elderly woman with only a dress and a wig?

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    Replies
    1. Skill, my good man. Skill....

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    2. Skill? Hey, I've got skill! It's in My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fanfiction writing! What's that? You want proof? You can't HANDLE the proof! But regardless, I shall showcase my skill to you and EVERYONE here!!!

      Ahem...

      "Wake the hay up!" [they said hay and not hell because they're ponies lol BROHOOF ME!!!]

      Big Macintosh yawned and rubbed his eyes.

      "Sis, what's going on? It's 4 in the BUCKING morning!" [bucking instead of fucking lol DOUBLE BROHOOF!!!!]

      "Big Mac, there's something wrong!" Applejack screamed.

      "What what what!?!?"

      "Apple Bloom's gone!"

      Big Mac was irritated.

      "Of COURSE she's gone AJ, she's gone to sleep over with Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash! Did ya ferget, you dodo?"

      "No o'course I din' ferget!" Applejack retorted. "What I meant was that we forgot to take ADVANTAGE of her absence! She's returning this morning and we ain't got a lotta time left!"

      "...AJ, whaddaya mean by 'take advantage'?"

      Applejack turned around and flipped her tail up, to expose her horsey vagina and asshole.

      "Why, for us t'fuck o'course!"

      "Oh....well hold on," Big Mac replied.

      So Big Mac mounted his sister and did various things until he ejaculated into her asshole..or vagina. Neither pony could remember which hole it was afterwards, but Big Mac's semen sure was everywhere. Exhausted, they lay in bed together until their little sister Apple Bloom returned home. At which point, she saw them in bed together and questioned it. So Apple Bloom was killed.[/story]

      So...there you have it! I realize in a normal fanfic, I wouldn't have to specify that Apple Bloom is their little sister, but I added it in for the uninitiated on this site. I also realize Applejack said "fuck" instead of "buck" at some point, but that's character development! ...right? Please, someone tell me that's an example of character development....

      It's a work in progress...I haven't even decided on a title! Would anypony like to help me decide on a title?

      BROHOOFS ALL AROUND!!!!!!!!!!!except for the chinese

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    3. Who ever said that it had to be a man?

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  2. More importantly, why does he leave the dress and the wig there? And did he walk around naked then? Imagine the woman and the security guard would have arrived a bit earlier, while he was still undressing. Awkward!

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  3. I think this actually came up as a serial killer in northern virginia, there was no real link cept for the women being either alone or single mothers, duct taped and gutted.

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  4. To the first commenter: First of all, that's what he left behind. Doesn't say he was wearing ONLY those. Second of all - Mrs. Doubtfire. 'Nuff said.

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  5. I'll never give a lift to old ladyes in my life after this one o_O'

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  6. Old urban legend.

    Also, to guy above me, you are a total tool.

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  7. Umm.....Confusion and....Retarded?

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  8. It would be soooo awkward if the person the "old lady" asked for a ride was also a serial killer waiting for little old ladies to kill. Who would the real victim be?

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    Replies
    1. Blacks. But only because they always feel victimized.

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  9. I just watched boondock saints on netflix, and in that movie there is a scene where willham defaue (the green goblin in spiderman) kills afew people whilst in drag as he seduced them... Fucking creepy.

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  10. Perfect cautionary tale. Never give oldies a lift. They might actually be bronies.

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    ReplyDelete