Sunday, December 12, 2010

The Bet that Cost a Lifetime

It was the biggest Halloween bash of the school year. This party was dedicated to the seniors. The basketball court was designed to look like an underworld. So, as usual you have the rowdy bunch who puts a little life in the party. Everyone was having a good time, getting crazy, dancing dirty, ignoring the teachers who told them behave. A newcomer to the school - let's call her Laurel - was having a hard time fitting in. No one would dance with her or talk to her. Whenever she tried to talk they ignored her and snubbed her. She was treated like a social leper. Laurel was at an all time low. So she sits in a corner and wallows in her own self pity.

One guy - let's call him Spike - noticed her and took a liking to Laurel. She wasn't ugly and would be much prettier if she smiled a lot more. The group of friends he was hanging out with were goths. They were the real thing despite the other seniors posing as goths just for the night. He taps one of his buddies on the shoulder and points at Laurel. They both smile and his buddy nudges him to go and talk to Laurel. He goes over to her and reaches out his hand for her to take. She takes it and he pulls her to her feet.

"Hey, The name is Spike, what's yours?" He askes her. Laurel is a little shy at all of the attention he's giving her, since Spike was very attractive with his good looks, dark hair, and dark eyes. "My name is Laurel, I've been here a week now."

Spike smiles at her and is smitten when he notices that she is trying to over come her shyness for him. Most girls would have said their name and clammed up afterwards.

"This school ain't so bad you have the occasional $&#%heads who think they got it all and the suburban B*tches who whine and moan about how the bathrooms are dirty, when it's their own piss and $&#% that makes it that way. Other than that I'm sure you'll survive this jungle 'till graduation."

Laurel is startled by his profane language and is fascinated by it and him as well. Spike smiles and is turned on by her innocence and fascination of him and his world.

"I can tell your not a shy person at all." Laurel tells him. "Hanging out with me will turn you that way too." His grin softens and he still holds her hand. "Hey do you wanna get out of this scene and have a real good time with my bro's a sissies over there?" He points to them and some of them smile and point their toungues at him playfully. Laurel smiles and feels comfortable with that.

Just as she is about to go with him, somebody pulls them apart and pushes Spike away from her. "Hey Lauren you really want to have a good time?" It was one of the suburban yuppies of the school - et's call him Griffon Baker. Laurel looks back at him and whispers, "My Laurel not Lauren." Griffon shrugs. "Who gives a $&#% anyway? Do you wanna have a good time or not?" Spike looks at Griffon and pushes him back. "Leave her the f*@k alone; your f*@king scaring her." Griffon looks at him as if Spike had made a big mistake. "Touch me again and you'll regret it. Now get the hell outta here freak and take your burnt out friends with you!" Laurel is upset with Griffon and watches Spike swallow up his anger and look back at her. "If you still want to come we'll all be wating for you Laurel. Okay? I'll be waiting for you." Laurel nods to Spike and watches him turn and leave the party with his friends. Spikes freinds make faces and spit on the floor in disrespect to him as they leave the court. Spikes best buddy shouts an insult aloud for Griffon to hear. "Screw you Baker!"

Griffon laughs and ignores them. He keeps his eyes on Laurel. Soon his girfriend and some of their buddies join him and looks at Laurel as if if she were a mangy cat. "Tell you what, I'll set a bet with you. If you can do it you could join us. But that's only if you do win this bet." Laurel shakes her head. I don't want to join you or your fake *$$ clique Baker." Griffon and his group laugh at Laurels bold remark. "Oh really? It seems to me as if the freak and the rest of his burnouts put some balls in you. But I wonder how long is that smart mouth of yours is going to last. Cause in the end you'll always be under me."

Griffon's girlfriend tries to kiss him but he pushes her away. "F@#& off will you?" She looks at him with great resentment and turns to leave him. "Get back over here." He yells after her. She obeys him and returns to his side. But she is obviously not happy by the way he's embarrased her in front of everyone including Laurel.

Griffon turns back to Laurel. "If you fail then I never want to see your face around school. If you win..." He looks around at his friends as he keeps them in suspense. "I'll kiss Binky's *$$ over there. He points to an overweight guy making his way around the table and filling his plate that was already overflowing with food. Griffon's girlfriend looks at him with disgust. "You wouldn't dare!" She screams with horror and humiliation. Hell yes I would. He says in answer to her. She runs away from him and cries.

One of Griffon's buddies tells his girlfriend to follow her and comfort her. This time Griffon ignores her completely. Laurel knew that Binky was not his real name. And felt bad for him. But she soon realizes that she has the chance to embarass Griffon Baker before the whole school. She had the power. She would be remembered as the chick who stood up to Baker and his clique. And she wondered what would Spike think of her since Spike hated Griffon so much.

Laurel smiles at Griffon in defiance. "I'll take your bet." Griffon's best buddy pulls him to a corner and whispers to him. "Have you completely lost your mind? Ar..are you crazy?" Griffon shrugs at his freind. "Don't worry about it. I have the perfect bet." His freind looks at him suspiciously. "What are you up to man?" Laurel watches them whisper and wonders what was holding them up. She really wanted to get the bet over with so that she could join Spike and his buddies. She hears them both laugh and pat each other's shoulders. They both turn and face her and that made Laurel nervous for some reason.

"Okay here's the plan, you have to go to the Oakcreek cemetery and go the nearest grave you find there. But be careful I heard stories about this cemetery. I'm sure since you moved here you've heard of that place too." Laurel nods. Griffon looks back at his friend and snickers then he turns back and faces her to finish the rest of the bet. Well, there's this old legend. It's more of a warning actually. The warning is that you never strike a knife any of the graves there." Laurel looks at him confusedly. "Why?" Laurel askes him. "Do you really want to know?" Griffon says this in a way that sends a chill down Laurel's spine. After a few moments she answers him. "Yes." Griffon cocks his head to one side and nods at her.

"Alright. I'll tell you...If you strike the grave with a knife, legend has it that the hand of the owner of that grave will reach out of the ground and pull you into the grave with them to be buried alive with them for all eternity." Laurel shakes her head and doesn't belive a word that comes out of his mouth. Griffon is suprised when he sees that she isn't fazed by any of it. "You don't belive me do you?" Griffon asks her. He then orders his friend to get the butcher's knife from the table. Its blade was buried deep within the pork roast on the table. His friend pulls it out of there in such a way that makes everyone including Laurel wince. He hands it to Griffon. Griffon wipes the grease and sauce on the sleeve of his costume and hands the knife to Laurel. Pass and I pucker up to kiss his *$$. Fail and don't bother coming back to this school Spike and his freaks aren't welcome here either. She nods and turns to leave but Griffon stops her. "No leave out of the back of the school." He knew that Spike was still waiting for her out front and would mess things up.

As she leaves out of the back way Griffon looks at his friend and says, "She's bluffing. She'll never go along with it. She's gonna see the gates and will think twice before entering. Mark my words, all of you."

Laurel forgets how cold it was outside. She knew where the cemetary was and felt unsure about going along with the bet. She thought it was rather stupid and childish of her to go along with it. But it was too late for her to turn back. She made a promise and she would keep it. She thought about Spike and wondered if he was still waiting for her. It was a long walk to the cemetary but she was almost there.

God its cold, thought Laurel. Once she got to the front gate of the cemetary it was dark but the sky, even if it was dark as well, showed the silohette of the gate and the gravestones there. She was suddenly terrified. She had heard of the horrible stories of this graveyard. She also heard the way some people died horribly before they were buried there. I'm going to do this. I'm going to win. She calmly thought to herself. She climbed over the gate and was in. She looked around and found one little grave that was isolated from the rest. I can do this. Just one quick stab and i'll be done.

Once she made it to the grave she stood before it and stabbed the knife into the ground. Once she was going to leave something held on to her dress and wouldn't let her go. She tried to pull away and realized the legend came true. "Oh my god! Somebody! Someone help me! Please help." Her eyes blurred with tears and fear paralysed her. She fell to the ground.

Hours went by and Spike never saw Laurel. He grew worried and it was midnight. To him it was Halloween. Even thought he wasn't scared of the holiday, he felt that there was something terribly wrong. The Halloween party was long over and not alot of people were there. By then all of Spike's friends were gone, he told them all to go without him so that he could wait for Laurel. But she never came. He wanted to go back inside of the building but the student that took the tickets said that he couldn't go back in without one. He ignores the student and enters the building. There was no sign of Laurel any where. But he saw Griffon and a few of his buddies. He runs to them and stops them.

"Where the hell is she Baker?" Griffon looks at him and acts as if he was clueless. "What are you talking about?" Spike grows infuriated. "Where is she you stupid f@%#!" Griffon looks at Spike and realizes what he had just said. He's not angered by what he said but instead he grows a little worried as well.

"Maybe she went home?" Griffon says to Spike. Spike shakes his head impatiently. "No. That can't be right because she was supposed to meet up with me later. Were did she go?" Griffon tells him of the bet and tells him of how he sent her to the Oakcreek cemetary. Spike is outraged and yells at Griffon. "Jesus Baker! Why'd you tell her to go to a place like that! What the F@#% is wrong with you?"

Griffon along with his friends and Spike take his car to the cemetary to look for Laurel. They all climb over the gates and use flashlights from Griffon's car to search for Laurel. It was a big cemetary and they all separated to look for the girl. It wasn't long before one of Griffon's friends screamed and sent the rest of them running. Griffon got there and started to cry like a little boy. Spike was the last person to get there. As he got nearer and nearer to the little crowd he felt a sudden gut wrenching feeling. He pushed past them and his heart broke when he saw Laurel's tiny body crumpled on the ground. She was so terrified of the legend becoming true that she had died of a heart attack. But what really had happened was what she thought was the zombie's hand reaching to pull her into the grave was really the knife she had stabbed through her dress and into the ground.


  1. Who the hell took the time to rewrite another story that had a fine version of it in Scary Stories to tell in the dark?

  2. Seems like a generic, "non-conformist," emo story.

  3. This version of the story's been around much longer than the Scary Stories version, Anon.

  4. I think I saw a version of this on the Twilight Zone.

  5. You can tell a 12 year old goth kid wrote this.

  6. Oh yeah I'm aware of that. All those stories are just built up from older stories. You know I'm a nerd just cuz I read the notes in the back as well >.>

  7. Terrible writing. Impossible to read without vomiting because of the excesive cursing and censuring.

  8. Would you just pick a tense when writing? Is the story taking place in the present or the past? A few times you changed tenses mid-sentence.

  9. I was expecting a generic zombie story ending with the legend becoming true and the zombies rising from the grave and killing everybody or something like that, but even WITH the "suprise" ending it wasn't all that great.

  10. I think the constant repetition of names drove me nuts the most. I couldn't bother reading after the fifth paragraph break. Jesus.

    I'd love it if the 'Scary Stories' one was posted instead.

  11. This is so bad that I quit reading.

    Why is this on here? Even as nightmare retardant it's complete shit.

  12. Someone very young wrote this. And for their age, they did a bang up job.

  13. ???? quite familiar...

  14. Buffy would've solved it all by punching that bastard in his face, and not given a care as to what others thought of her. XD

  15. It was so bad I stopped reading too. What the hell is up with the girlfriend part? Where she tried kissing Baker and he pushed her away, that paragraph and the girlfriend's feelings were completely pointless. The cursing is painful, the characterization is painful, the whole clique idea is painful, just... ugh, pasta. I'm resisting the urge to rewrite the entire story for the author and sending it back to them, with better dialogue (actual dialogue), grammar, punctuation and no cliches on bullying. Come on, really?! UGH! I can't stop ranting about how awful this is. It's killing me, it's scarier than what I ever read before. I feel like killing myself because of how bad this is. What a shame to all writers out there everywhere, just.... ugh, I don't even know anymore! I don't even know anymore!!!

    It's like Twilight all over again!

  16. Terrible version. Cliche characters, situation, etc. Probably a 15 year old goth poser self-inserting himself (Spike) as a way to kind of get back at his bullies via fiction by portraying anyone who isn't goth as some drooling brainless jock/prep loser. I did the same thing when I was 12 minus the goth.

    Also I've always found the character who stabs the grave (in this case, Lauren) to be incredible stupid. If I was in that situation, the first thing I'd do is scream, look down, see the knife in the hem of my dress and feel like an idiot. Seriously, how dumb? Also, I haven't met a cloth that can't be cut/torn by a knife. I never liked this story at all, never seen a good version of it. Too ridiculous just for those reasons.

  17. Laurel...hmm...that sounds kinda like in, Lauren Faust....creator of My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic.

    Spike, that's the baby dragon from My Little Pony.

    Griffon...there was a griffon named Gilda in My Little Pony.

    Binky? Sounds an awful lot like Pinkie...Pinkie Pie. From My Little Pony.

    OH GAWD. I mean OH CELAWSTIA. Or maybe even Lunawh?

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