Friday, October 29, 2010

The Egg

You were on your way home when you died.

It was a car accident. It wasn't anything particularly remarkable, but fatal nonetheless. You left behind a wife and two children. It was a painless death. The EMTs tried their best to save you, but to no avail. Your body was so utterly shattered you were better off; trust me.

That's when you met me.

"What...what happened," You asked. "Where am I?"

"You died," I replied, matter-of-factly. There was no point in mincing words.

"There was a...a truck and it was skidding..."

"Yup," I said.

"I...I died?"

"Yup. But don't feel bad about it. Everyone dies," I replied.

You looked around. There was nothingness, just you and me. "What is this place," You asked. "Is this the afterlife?"

"More or less," I stated.

"Are you God," You asked.

"Yup," I replied. "I'm God."

"My wife," You said.

"What about them?"

"Will they be alright?"

"That's what I like to see," I said. "You just died and your main concern is your family. That's good stuff right there."

You looked at me with fascination. To you, I didn't look like God. I just looked like some man...or possibly a woman. I looked like some vague authority figure, maybe, or more of a grammar school teacher than the almighty.

"Don't worry," I said. "They'll be fine. Your kids will remember you as perfect in every way. They didn't have time to grow contempt for you. Your wife will cry on the outside, but will be secretly relieved. To be fair, your marriage was falling apart. If it's any consolation, she'll feel very guilty for feeling relieved."

"Oh," You replied. "So what happens now? Do I go to heaven or hell or something?"

"Neither," I said. "You'll be reincarnated."

"Ah," You said. "So the Hindus were right."

"All religions are right in their own way," I replied. "Walk with me."

You followed along as we strode through the void. "Where are we going?"

"Nowhere in particular," I said. "It's just nice to walk while we talk."

"So, what's the point, then," You asked. "When I get reborn I'll just be a blank slate, right? A baby. So all of my experiences and everything I did in this life won't matter."

"Not so," I said. "You have within you all the knowledge and experiences of all your past lives. You just don't remember them right now."

I stopped walking and took you by the shoulders. "Your soul is more magnificent, beautiful, and gigantic than you can possibly imagine. A human mind can only contain a tiny fraction of what you are. It's like sticking your finger in a glass of water to see if it's hot or cold. You put a tiny part of yourself into the vessel, and when you bring it back out, you've gained all the experiences it had."

"You've been in a human for the last forty-eight years, so you haven't stretched out yet and felt the rest of your immense consciousness. If we hung out here for long enough, you'd start remembering everything. But there's no point to doing that between each life."

"How many times have I been reincarnated, then?"

"Oh, lots. Lots and lots. An in to lots of different lives," I said. "This time around, you'll be a Chinese peasant girl in 540 AD."

"Wait, what," You stammered. "You're sending me back in time?"

"Well, I guess technically. Time, as you know it, only exists in your universe. Things are different where I come from."

"Where are you from," You said.

"Oh, sure," I explained. "I come from somewhere. Somewhere else. And there are others like me. I know you'll want to know what it's like there, but honestly you wouldn't understand."

"Oh," You said, a little let down. "But wait, if I get reincarnated to other places in time, I could have interacted with myself at some point."

"Sure. It happens all the time. With both lives only aware of their own lifespan, you don't even know it's happening."

"So what's the point of it all?"

"Seriously," I asked. "Seriously? You're asking me for the meaning of life? Isn't that a little stereotypical?"

"Well, it's a reasonable question," You persisted.

I looked you in the eye. "The meaning of life, the reason I made this whole universe, is for you to mature."

"You mean mankind? You want us to mature?"

"No, just you. I made this whole universe for you. With each new life, you grow and mature and become a larger and greater intellect."

"Just me? What about everyone else?"

"There is no one else," I said. "In this universe, there's just you and me."

You stared blankly at me. "But all the people on Earth..."

"All you. Different incarnations of you."

"Wait, I'm everyone?"

"Now you're getting it," I said, with a congratulatory slap on the back.

"I'm every human being who ever lived?"

"Or who will ever live, yes."

"I'm Abraham Lincoln?"

"And you're John Wilkes Booth, too," I added.

"I'm Hitler?" You said, appalled.

"And you're the millions he killed."

"I'm Jesus?"

"And you're everyone who followed him."

You fell silent.

"Every time you victimized someone," I said. "You were victimizing yourself. Every act of kindness you've done, you've done to yourself. Every happy and sad moment ever experienced by any human was, or will be, experienced by you."

You thought for a long time.

"Why," You asked me. "Why do all this?"

"Because someday, you will become like me. Because that's what you are. You're one of my kind. You're my child."

"Woah," You said, incredulous. "You mean I'm a god?"

"No, not yet. You're a fetus. You're still growing. Once you've lived every human life throughout all time, you will have grown enough to be born."

"So the whole universe," You said. "It's just..."

"An egg." I answered. "Now it's time for you to move on to your next life."

And I sent you on your way.


  1. I like this God, he actually explains shit.

  2. holly crap thats really wierd

  3. Every time you fucked someone, you were fucking yourself.

    1. What? It's not gay... it's masturbation!

    2. Stephen Motherfucking HawkingMay 19, 2012 at 10:28 PM

      Unless you're negro...then it's still rape. Boop beep boop beep. Wheelchair.

  4. Cool story, very Asimov-esque.

  5. Not really creepy so much as made me wonder, but of course someone who would end up thinking too hard on this and believing it would have to be pretty narcissistic. It's a good little story though, I liked it.

  6. You just know that someone out there has centrelized their religion around this.

  7. I had a dream very similar to this story.
    In fact, it was EXACTLY like this.

  8. I love this one. =]

  9. Then the door flew open and all they heard was "SCOOBY DOOBY DOOOOOOOO!"

  10. I wouldn't consider this a creepypasta, but it's such a wonderful story. It just gets you wondering about the afterlife. Just this story has kept me occupied for well over a month of boring classes.

  11. This really gives the "Nicolas Cage as Everyone" meme a lot of new depth. XP

    Seriously cool, though. Super cool. SUPER MEGA AWESOME COOL. Words fail to describe how exceedingly, amazingly cool this story is.

  12. I am you. You are me. We are we.

  13. ^And we are all together.


  15. Credit to Andy Weir:

  16. I AM THOU


    ~We're a happy family~

  17. Wow, that's impressive! Though I have to say this; if you are everyone, that wouldn't having sex with someone be considered mastrabation? Just an observation.

  18. wanna get freakishly would be gay and a gay basher, republican and democrat, teacher and student,and of course you are your own grandpa

  19. Wow so this means, I'm that guy, and I'm a god. But that means everyone on earth is that same guy and is a god So... basically Earth is really a creation for one sole person. No one else. And each time this guy died lets say, he was the only guy on earth, he would be a woman the next life, and then he had kids... but those kids are him too... wait... wouldn't that mean he would never actually become a god? There are millions of babies born everyday, which means he has to become each of those babies... I actually think this wouldn't be a good thing... he probably has to go through torture, slavery, rape. And if I die wouldn't that mean that God would tell me I'm... UGH wtf this just raped me hard in the thinker.

  20. I guess it takes a chapter from christian religion saying that adam was the first person on the earth, and eve was made from one of HIS ribs. So effectively, he created himself. So i guess theres some logic here.

  21. So when we hive mind, we all are really just thinking as one?

  22. Hi me. Hi other me.

  23. we are each other. Or in actuality we are us. But when do "We" reach maturity? Also what happens to all the lives in "existence" when we end the cycle?

  24. You would have to live every life on earth and so it would be imposible to live all of them unless when you reach maturity is when the human race dies out... thats the way i see it LOL that would suck you would have to witness the end of the human race millions of times and other than that how long does he stay a fetus?? Lol this story is great

  25. Good story.


    Cause I mean, first off,the person reading this would think about themselves, and then another person would be thinking about themselve- who am I kidding.

  26. think that in THIS life, I was the one who suggested incest to my older, hawt hawt hawt sister and got shot down and now none of my family stands me...

    But in a PAST life, I was also the girl whose brother wanted to do her in the butt and then I didn't wanna so I told the rest of the family about it...damnit, WHY didn't I graciously accept the incest the first time, as a girl....sigh.........

    1. Or you have yet to shoot current you down, and in a multiverse type thing, you probably said yes and blew you everyday for years, and let you fuck you constantly and nobody ever found out. in another universe you got aids.

  27. Do you know what this means? This means I've actually seen the lost episodes of Dr. Who!

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